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How to Save your Relationship
Three Step Communication
We all get upset with our partners at one time or another. Sometimes a big issue arises that needs discussion and decisions to be made. Anger is a powerful emotion for everyone. Some people are better at managing it than others. This is usually because those skills were modeled for them in childhood or they learned through necessity later on. The trap many people fall into is the blame game where one person is on the “attack” and the other, then, is on the defensive. This never leads to resolution and often will lead to an escalation beyond the immediate issue. Secondary to managing anger by taking a walk, breathing exercises or talking with a friend or therapist, is communication. When approaching your partner when you are angry about something they did or did not do, the first rule of thumb is to always use “I” statements.
“I am upset because you left a mess in the kitchen again.”
Avoid using inflammatory statements or name-calling, of course:
“You are such a slob! You NEVER clean up your mess!”
Words like Never or Always are good indicators that what you are saying is going to cause an argument and not lead to a resolution. Chances are now your partner feels the need to defend himself about being a “slob” or “never” cleaning up.
